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Five years ago, I became involved with a guy that used any kind of drugs there were. He would try to hide it from me. But I knew something wasn't right with him. One day, I walked in on him in the bathroom shooting up oxycontin. I died inside. I had NEVER been around drugs. Never.
I didn't know how to handle it. I thought maybe I could change him. He went to rehab twice. Didn't work. I loved him very much but knew I had to get away from him. He was increasingly violent. He would abuse me, say horrid things to my little girl. But he could also be the most wonderful person in the world and I hated to make this decision. We had just had a little boy and I couldn't live with a man that was on drugs with two children. My children and I moved where he couldn't find us.
I missed him very much. One day I had some lortabs. I don't remember where I had gotten them but I decided I wanted to see why he was so addicted to them. What made him have such a loss of control to these little pills. I crushed one up as I had watched him do a thousand times and snorted it. WOW! I had tons of energy! I could clean the house, forget about my misery, take care of the children all without one single breath! I started buying them. I have litterally spent THOUSAND'S of dollars on those little pills.
I got back with my boyfriend and we did the pills together. I completely realized what all the fuss was about. We found a doctor that would give them to us. We went in separately and told the doctor that our backs hurt. The doctor told us both the SAME thing--that our hips were out of place. Which is completely untrue. He would get 93 10mgs a month and me 93 7.5mgs a month. We would divide the pills between ourselves. Those were gone in a MONTH.
Then we would be back on the streets looking for them. We would lie and steal to get the money. Money that should have been spent on the children. |
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When I was using more than my boyfriend. He quit and I still was going strong. I have been taking them for 2 and a half years. I look at other people and wonder how in the hell they get out of bed without having a pill to take. It amazes me that there was life before the pills. I can't even remember it. If I don't have a lortab to take when I first get up in the morning, I can't do it. My head aches, I can feel the bones in my legs just aching. The pain is something I can't even put into words.
My major turning poing came Four days ago. My little girl asked my why my eyes were yellow. It's because of the amount of Tyenol in the lortabs. I decided that I did not want to live this life anymore. I want a NORMAL life. I want MY life back. And I WILL get it back. I made a call to my doctor's office and told the nurse I was addicted and wanted off of them. I have an appointment tomorrow. In the meantime, I've been slowly tapering my intake. I usually take 6 ten milgrams a day. I've been doing okay. I'm still constantly obessing about them. But I'm making it. Slowly, but surely. |
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Just starting. Wish me luck. |
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Don't take them! They are evil, vile pills! Yes, They DO make you feel awesome, I won't lie. But in the end, you pay for every single pill you ingest in your body. You pay, sometimes, with your life. Get help, tell someone, do something to get off of them. |
