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Percocet, Valium, Halcion,Vicodin,Demerol |
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A few years ago I had intense dental work performed and was given pain meds. A few months after that I liked the high it gave me so I decided to try some on my own. It is unfournate that I also worked in the dental field. With that being said I had access to anything I wanted, I started with Tylenol 3 and over the years (we are know talking now 3 years later) it grew to percocet, valium, halcion and viocdin as my chose of drugs. |
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For the last year and a half I have been wanting to stop especially after I had a miscarriage within two weeks of finding out the great news. I thought this was a sign god was giving me to leave the pills alone. That was my first time ever really wanting and needing to say good-bye to the pills.
Sad thing is I had a few pills left and prayed that god would protect my baby, while I finished the pills I had. A few weeks later I had a mmiscarriage the day of my grandmother's funeral. That right there should have been my tuning point but thigs only went down hill after that. I was taking more pills because I was sooo depressed and disgusted with myself.
I startyed mixing my pills taking 3 percocet, 3 vicodin, 2 valium's and 1-2 halcoin's at a time sometimes this combination was over taken 2-4 times a day. On a few occasions I have had my heart beat so hard and fast I thought I was about to have an heart attack and my speech was slurring at times when I talked. I knew I was on the verge of something really bad about to happen I slowed down for a while but still could not stop. Well the final straw was I called in a script to a pharmacy that I used to many times and the pharamist called the doctor's office to verify the script. The few times that I actually used a real name which was my husband's name the doctor knew that it was me. I worked in his office a couple of years ago how stupid was that huh.
Well the doctor told them when I came back to pick up my refill to have me arrested. That is exactly what happened I spent the night in jail and it was the WORST!!! Needless to say my mother and husband where at their wit's end with me and this damn pills so my back was against the wall. |
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Since my arrest I kept feeling like I was falling deeper into this dark pit. I tried going cold turkey thinking with the help of my family I could do this. Well that lasted a couple of days I was going crazy, I could not sleep my legs where killing me I was so moody it was horrible. It was like the pills where calling me and I had to find some way to answer. My husband just had surgery and I found some of his pills and took them.
By the time my husband could not take the pain any longer and went to take one he only had a few pills left. That was the last straw for him and he told me if I did not seek professional help he would no longer be there for me. I shopped a few recovery programs made appt's never went through with them. Between him and my mother getting on me to make an appt. and keep it or else.
On March 17th I made an evaluation appt for 4:30 I took my time to get my mother got stuck in traffic on purpose hoping when I got to the doctor at 5:30 the doctor would not be able to see me. The doctor stayed and waited for me I was so pissed off and there was no where to run at this point. That same doctor is one of my angels he sat and talked to me for two and a half hours.
Buy this time after I filled out the paper work and my visit it was 8 p.m. This doctor is very special he did not have to stay there and wait for me nor stay till 8 o'clock at night but he did. He made me promise to come back the next day he was going to make the medical doctor see me on a Saturday the 18th. I felt a little better leaving his office and my mother was almost in tears to see me make that first move.
On the 18th was the start of my detox program in the back of my head I did not think it would work. It is now the 20th and I am clean, CLEAN FOR 3 DAYS can you believe it. I guess that saying never say never applies to my case. I am on medication to help me with my cravings and pain and IT IS ACTUALLY WORKING. Tears are coming out of my eyes writing this because I am actually seeing a ray of light down that long tunnel.
It is Monday the 20th as we speak and today was the only day that I had a bad day and it was induced to a stressed out moment ( bad choices I made while on the pills). For a minute I craved my good all pills again they will make me forget about issues I wish I had one. In that split second I had to say to myself these damn pliis are what got you in this drama situation in the first place.
I took my med's from my doctor I called my mother and husband cried and prayed with them. I know in my heart that I will be okay with god's help, my family and friend's. Every day now is a new day for me and I am starting to feel a little better with life and all the up's and down's that come with it. I go back to the doctor on the 23rd to see how everything is coming along and we will see what the next step will be for me.
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I don't have to much advice since I just started with my detox program. But I can say this is something you can not do on your own. I thought I could and was allways saying after these last set of pills that was the end. Well I have been saying that for 3 years now and I am just TIRED OF BEING TIRED. I can only speak for myself but this detox program I am in is the best treatment I have received. Even though I have pushed away everybody that loved me they are the same ones there for me now.
I feel the weight slowly but surely falling off of me, I held so much stuff inside, lied about any and everything thing to get those devil pills. I have wasted the last 3 years of my life but I plan to play catch up and can't wait to start living a new life a fresh start and that is such a GREAT FEELING.
Only when you are ready and we all know when we are can you make that choice to live. Because when you are on the pills you are not really living you are slowly killing yourself-hurting yourself and any one that is close to you feels the effect. If I can do it anyone reading this can I know it is easier said than done but it the truth.
I decided I wanted to live I have so many things to live for, but if I stayed on the path I was in I would have ended up in jail, losing everyone that I loved or even worst DEAD from a overdose. We all are seeking some type of help or you would not be reading my story now.
So if you are on this web-site don't be scared take that next step and reach out to someone that can guide you and help you to that next step god bless... |
