| |
As a teenager, I experimented with many drugs. If somebody offered it I would try it. At home, my mother had a constant supply of pain medications. I would take some here and there. At first it was two or three. She would have bottles of 100 percocet 10's. The amount of pills I would take from her became larger and larger.
I moved out and married, had children, still visiting my mothers medicine cabinet regularly. Eventually she was prescribed Oxycontin, which I absolutely fell in love with. She had convinced the doctor into prescribing her 4 40mg pills a day. I helped myself on a regular basis.
Time went by and I moved away from my mother, sad that I was leaving my drug of choice.
|
| |
I got a job in home health after I moved, and found myself working with the terminally ill. Narcotics were everywhere. My disease of addiction surfaced again and I began to take medication from my patients. Oxycontin, Dilaudid, Morphine. It got so bad that I could not hide it any longer. I was arrested for theft and lost my job. All this time my husband was unaware of my problem. I convinced him that I was only in a depression and was suicidal, not an addict.
After some counseling, things died down. I went through withdrawal, cold turkey. It was brutal. But within a year I was again using. I had hooked up with friends who would offer pills. I went to doctors and obtained Lortab easily. I was headed for a downward spiral yet again.
I started using Adderal at this point in time. I had gotten my hands on a large amount of pills. I would take 4 or 5 at a time. When I had pills, it was all or nothing. The turning point for me was when it all ran dry. I ran out of connections. My son was on Concerta at the time for ADD, and as a last resort I began dipping out of my own sons medicine. |
| |
My husband caught on to my increasingly erratic behavior, and noticed the pills missing from my sons prescription. After being confronted, I told him everything. The shame of what I had done and the fear of losing my family forever brought me to my senses. I started therapy, antidepressant medication, and started attending NA meetings regularly. I have been 30 days clean, and now realize why I am the way I am. I have a disease, and have learned that I cannot successfully take any mood altering substance ever again. |
| |
If you have to stop and wonder if you have a problem with a drug, if you ask yourself Am I an addict? then chances are, yes, your are an addict. Listen to your family members, sometimes they are aware that something is going on even before you are. Active addiction can blind you from so many things. And you can lose everything because of it. |
