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Oxycontin,Percocet,Zanax,Halcium |
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Injured my back 10 years ago and 6 years ago I just could not take the pain any more. Saw a doctor and started pain management with a doctor "with a heavy pen"(got what I wanted)80mg Oxycontin Am,80Mg Oxycontin 6pm,percocet10/500 (3) Break throug pain,2mg Zanax&.25Halcian @9Pm for sleep. I ran a company that made millions of dollars. I worked tirelessly and with out telling anyone of my secret addiction, counting pills, torturing myself into waiting til certain times of the day to take it, hiding meds, traveling for work and worrying about the stash.
Pills made me creative, carasmatic and unstoppable (so I thought)Looking back it was a tremendus amount of pressure and I was self medicating my problems as well as my throbbing back. |
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My 37 th birthday I was losing my business due to sagging sales and moved out of my business I created from nothing. The bank notes started being called one by one. I have a ranch, a huge house , A wonderful family, kids 7 and 18, and a wife of 14 years.
I just could not think straight any more. The more I tried the more I lost. I woke up on a Friday and could not go to work (My Fallback Company I set up as I moved out of my large company)I cried like a baby I sobbed and told my wife everything.....She and my family and loved ones had no idea. She asked what I wanted to do and I said after 6 years of constant doctor directed medication I was going to need some help and wanted off this roller coaster.We went and entered a Inpatient treatment.(that hurt!) |
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Wow...My body has convalsed,sweat,shaken,chills,throwing up(violently),Body crawling,Hurt!
5 wonderful days of that plus more...My treatment center administered suboxone and sleeping pills (Sleeping is just not possible)After 4 weeks the Suboxone perscription ran out and I did not go back to meetings and my doctor was pissed. He told my wife I would just have to deal with witdrawl with out suboxone. At the end of the 4th week sober as a mouse I began to get waves of chills and shakes and super nasea and my head turned to muck, I lost my thought process and didnt see that coming.
Suboxone hurts comeing off that I know. I had to go see my family practioner and drop the bomb on my problem. I was so surprised at her understanding and such fear in her eyes.(She is concerned)We have tried more Ambian Cr (2) and a antideppresent.
My heart beats out of my chest and I am overcome with fear. I have always been able to cope and multitask but the last couple days its like I have 25 lb weights on my feet.No multi tasking.
The only thing I hold onto is that it has been 5 1/2 weeks and I am clear of pills. |
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One thing I am sure of the clarity of simple things is unbelievable. Emotions are unbelievable I can watch a movie or listen to music and feel all emotions. I used to sit stone faced and push everyone away.
My wife is damaged from this addiction, My business is gone, my money is gone and trust is a new problem BUT Each day I remember something or picture my new recovery SOBER! and that drives me. I have a feeling that It is no problem and I will survive this and go on to sucseed again.
My advice is Information THIS HAS HURT ME and I just dont know how it caint hurt everybody that uses it.The body needs clean fuel and emotions are a good thing. (tonight i will probably come out of my skin again,face that when it accurs)
This site is Paramount..I spend a couple hrs a day looking on the internet for people in the same situation and this place is it. |
