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fiorinal/fiorinal w/codeine |
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My "relapse" started 8 yrs. ago when I sought help for migraine headaches. I was so desperate for relief that I lied to the doctor when he asked if I had ever had a drug or alcohol addiction problem. I had 15 years of being clean. I was now a wife, mother, held a job-led a "normal" life. How could I become addicted to such a pill?
My drug of choice way back when was intraveneous dilauidid and cocaine. I'd recovered or so I thought. It took probably a day for me to realize that I liked this drug and I knew I wanted more. |
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I chose recovery several times, finally in June 2001, after 6 pshyc wards, 2 in patient treatment facilities, escaping the law by a hair 2 times, losing my family including my 3 kids, overdosing-ending up in the emergency room-I'd had enough. It was too late for my marriage, but I knew I would die if I did not ask for help.
I'd also added to my daily routine of 20 fiorinal-crack cocaine, concerta, ionamin, xanax, and anything I could put my hands on. I even was stealing my dad's morphine he took for cancer. I think this had to do with my overdose. I was like someone else watching my life go by, when I knew deep down that was not me. |
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My recovery has been successfull for about a year and a half. I am going through my divorce now, but I have a wonderful man who is supportive, listens and does not judge. I've been steadily employed for 2 years in the same field--kitchen design. My children are slowly developing trust for me again. It's a very painful process to watch, since I was a stay at home mom for all the years of my marriage.
My recovery has still been rocky. I fall down, but I always manage to get back up. The relapses are short, because I know sobriety is 100% better than active addiction. The reason I wrote this is to help me, if it helps others....terrific.
But it's a selfish thing--you see I'm presently in a relapse and am having an awful time trying to come up again. I seem to have given up. My kids do not live with me and the pain is feels unbearable. I work too much, don't eat much, still hold resentment toward my ex for not understanding and I'm very lonely. |
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There's a saying in "AA" and "NA"-NEVER GET TOO ANGRY, TOO TIRED, TOO HUNGRY OR TOO LONELY....This is probably some of the best advice I've ever gotten. Unfortunately I am doing just the opposite. There's another saying that I hold on too: THIS TOO SHALL PAST AND GOD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE. I am not looking forward to the withdrawals, but I am looking forward to a REAL life. DO THE RIGHT THING, AND YOUR LIFE WILL BE BLESSED TEN-FOLD-I've seen it happen in my life. |
