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Alcoholic grandparents. Opiate addicted /alcoholic/mentally unstable/dead father. Parents divorced. I moved alot. I smoked a lot of pot as a teen. Done alot of other drugs recreationally. Never really felt the I fit in. One incident that I remember was Dad dropped pills on the floor. I stole one . Vicodin es. I was 12. Best feeling ever. Dabbled in pain killers thru the years. Always liked them. Really liked them. Any opportunity to obtain them I abused.Dentist,Doctor,friends. At 25 or so I snorted an oxy. I felt like I was 12 again. Vicodins, to handfuls of oxycodone ,to as many OC as I could get. |
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Wife who I love that I was putting thru hell.My mother and sister telling me that when i was high they did not like to be around me, I came off as fake. 16 year old brother dead of an overdose. Finally after several attempts for all the wrong reasons......I did not feel I was my best when I was high. |
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Many times cold turkey. All for the wrong reasons. Caught in the act by a loved one. Would kick for a few days. Then ease back into addiction. Each time it would pick up were it left off. Did suboxone. Taper down over a month or so. Felt very rushed.M.D gave me valium and clonidine at the end. Mostly slept for three days. Not painless ,but nothing like cold turkey. It worked I was clean .
Soon began to drink daily. Six months, I was just using on weekends,Eight months, was worse off then ever. One year later. 20,000 in debt and an appreciation for cocaine as well. Many shady capers. Got on methadone. 2 years on methadone .No other drug use. Started at 80 mg tapered down to 40 mg. Things were good. Should have worked on my mental some . Counseling,NA something . Clinic rules and job requirements not seeing eye to eye. Got lucky .
MD Gave me methadone from his office. Taper down to 20 mg over a three month period. Then to SUBUTEX(2 weeks),then 16 mg suboxone. The switch was painless. Things are good. I am gonna go down next week. Its at my own pace. It took a lifetime to get were Im at . Its gonna take time to get were I wanna be. |
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Methadone gets a bad rap. Going to the clinic sucks. It does put end to the seeking and helps get you out of the drug life style. Brings stability and routine back, . If you go to a clinic looking to get high ,or looking for a fail safe(back up plan) its not therapeutic.
I wish I had stopped at 40 mg during the first week. It worked. No W/D. I felt good. Being an addict I wanted the most they would give me. You must work on your psyche if you want to be happy without drugs.
The decision must be yours. The reason for not wanting to live that way anymore must be yours. I can say my mind is way more clear on the suboxone than the methadone. |
