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I became addicted after having my wisdom teeth pulled but had experimented with opiates through a boyfriend at the time. I I really didn't begin using until my senior year of high school and it started with a pain pill here and there. I didn't become addicted until my first year of college but the hell of addiction really started about 2 years into using. After about 5 years of using about 30-60 lortabs a day I went and got on the methadone program and stayed on 100mgs a day for 3 years.
I lost my 9 month old child from methadone and my inability to be able to ask for help. After I lost my child I got clean and stayed clean through the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous for 4 years. Then I begin to have an affair and it led me back into using but this time I did something that I said I would never do which is use dilaudid (k4) I.V. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. I loved the feeling but hated the consequences. I lost everything that I loved. |
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After about a year of alienation from any friends I had acquired in the 4 years of recevery and the respect of my family I found myself wanting to kill myself. Drug addiction took away my pride, health, self esteem and my will to live. Thank God I knew that NA worked and that they were still there praying for me and other suffering addicts at the close of every meeting.
I drug myself back into the rooms and have been back for 7 months now. I am slowly building a relationship with my family and have a relationship with my 5 year old little girl. I can never get my first child back nothing that I ever do will bring her back to me. She is with God. But I know that she is my angel and that her death was not in vain if I can continue to be a good mom to my daughter now and maybe help someone else who thinks there is now way out of addiction. |
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My recovery may be different a little than others. I had to be on suboxone for a short time to get off of the needle. But I am off now. I have to go to meetings and get honest about what is going on with me. I have a sponsor and pray. I work the steps with my sponsor and read the NA literature. I also go to church because I am trying to get a better understanding of the God that I choose to believe in. |
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I have no advice only experience to share with someone else. And that would be to never give up. To find a NA or AA group and get involved with that group. Give up any and all old friends who still use they will bring you down way quicker than you can bring them up. Pray that God will show them a way into recovery.
Take suggestions from people in the program who have some clean time and who are working the steps and watch how they act outside of meetings. And then get a sponsor, someone who has been where you have been, who are working the steps and have some kind of joy and peace in their lives. May God bless you and I hope that my story can help someone else who feels hopeless as I once did.
No matter how many times you may fall down, don't ever give up. NA will always take you back in and if you are truly willing to have a new life there are many waiting to guide you.
God's speed,
Kim |
