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Stories of Recovery
Name: |
Steve |
Age: |
32 |
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| Drug of Choice: |
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methadone, vicodin, percodan |
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| How did you become addicted? |
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I've always had an addiction problem - with food, sex, and drugs. I'll still smoke a little pot every night, which has been going on since I was 16 or so, but that's never become an issue for me. I get my work done and never do it high. When I was 24 I had a terribly painful surgery and recovery for a mal-rotation of the intestine. The procedure involved slicing my abdomen open, cutting through the stomach muscles, removing the twisted length of gut, and tying the two ends together. As you can imagine, I was heaving drugged throughout my recovery, which lasted about 10 days in a hospital with a morphine drip.
I was cool when I got home, but had to spend quite a bit of time lying around my folk's house. A few months down the line I experienced terrible digestive problems, which led to nasty stuff like hemmeroids and fissures. My doc gave me a bottle of 40 percodans with 3 refills. Well, they helped me recover from my ass agony, but I had a LOT still left over and I was healthy again. So, I started taking them at night with a joint and, oh boy, nice combination. When those ran out I was cool, but always kept my eyes open for painkillers, starting researching them in medical textbooks and the like, and began to steal a handful from friends and relatives when I got the chance.
I discovered the extra strengh vicodins, and that became my thing. Along the way, I began subtly playing it up in doctor's offices, trying to get them to write that script.
Things got much worse when I began working for someone who had serious health problems and a veritable pharmacy in their home. Prominent among all those goodies were giant jars of 10mg methadone pills, which I was able on occasion to swipe hefty handfuls. The drugs were often just left out, and many a time I sat, frozen and heart pounding, while the boss went into the other room and I weighed whether I had enough time to reach the bottle, open it, take some pills, recap it, and put it back. |
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| Your turning point? (What made you choose recovery?) |
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I was pretty hooked on the methadone - I don't care what anybody (who has taken it) says, that stuff got me waaayy high and was terribly addictive. I got to the point where I was just feeling like crap during the daytime hours before I first dosed, really crabby, constipated, headaches, irritable like crazy.
At night, I began ignoring my lady, becoming much less interested in sex and more in when she'd just go to sleep and leave me to get high. Your nerves begin to get desensitized by the drugs and sex doesn't give you as much pleasure anymore - you just can't feel as much, you're anesthesized. I loved to get high alone. I got into a few very close scrapes with the law, just squeaking out of any serious consequences or even arrest, thankfully.
I lost interest in everything I loved. The drug was like a warm embrace, an utter contentment, And then it ran out. I had no more access, either, and I was basically just forced to quit. |
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| Tell us about your recovery. |
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The consistency of taking drugs for 4-5 years was what did me in. It was as bad as others have said, with 5-6 days and nights of agony,total sleeplessness, severe migraine headaches where you can't move or be in the light, can't eat. The worst was over in a week or two but there was a lingering after-effect for a few months.
Sometimes the harsher symptons returned, but mostly they were replaced by feelings of anxiety and depression deeper than any I'd known. You'd just feel weird - teary, emotional, edgy, nervous, fearful even, depersonalized. The approaching nighttime would fill me with dread.
Finally, I began to feel a bit better, and a shrink prescribed Nuerontin in a small dose, which is nonaddictive (alledgedly) and non-metabolised - you pee it all out like a vitamin, it doesn't build in your bloodstream like opiods do. It really helps and I'm still on it a year or two later. |
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| Your advice to others? |
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Steer clear of this stuff. I can't lie, it's wonderful. Even after the pain of recovery - from which I had one major relapse -I can still savor the memory of the narcotic sweetness, it's purity and sensousness. Vics, percs, meth, opium, smack, I'll ALWAYS be addicted.
So it's my duty to be vigilant and watch myself in those moments of temptation. I still cheat now and then but my Neurontin always helps me cool out. It's obviously a sketchy situation, but it'll have to do for now. Know that situations of stress are big-time triggers for using - I have one close relative who's clinically depressed, and another with cancer, so I've often turned to the drugs to kill the pain and anxiety of dealing with that.
Bottom line, don't take it. If you do, take as little as possible and try not to do it every day. Skipping days can really help keep you in control if you just started using, mostly so you can see what the nights are going be like without pills. And don't ramp up your dosage, at least not quickly at all. Really, just please don't be a fool. Every moment of pleasure is paid back in a moment of pain later - you can bank on that. |
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